Fred's Movie Reviews
by baby-new-year
Summary: Fred starts a movie review show.
1. Finding Nemo

A/N- There are references to another of my fanfictions, Fred Watches The Hunger Games, in this fic. But reading that fic isn't necessary to understand this one. I hope you enjoy this one. It was really fun to write!

"Hey, it's Fred," Fred Figglehorn, a young six year old, said into his camera. Yes, said. Not shouted. Not screeched. Not squealed. But said. The most simple, calmest word anyone could use for the action. Because Fred was venturing into uncharted territory. Our little Fred was becoming a sensitive, sophisticated young man. "Today is the first episode of Movie Reviews with Mr. Fredrick Figglehorn!" No, Fred's name was, in fact, not Fredrick. But he felt as if it would be a more adult name choice for his new intellectually stimulating web series. His last one was, he believed, unfortunately childish and rediculous. Okay, fine, those were the words of his reviewers, mother, grandmother, and therapist. But still...

"Today I, your charming, sophisticated, lovable Fredrick will be reviewing a fantastic film. It showcased beautiful animation, fantastically chosen voice actors, and a brilliant story line. The film was called Finding Nemo. And..." Fred could not contain his excitement. "THEY WERE SO CUTE! I loved the little teeny fishes, and that crazy pelican that ate the fish, and that little girl who tried to bite people! Hahaha, she totally reminded me of myself! I mean, I don't know about you, but I love trying to bite people! They taste so good!"

Fred was horrified. He realized that these words would make his viewers think he was weird. Or at least, weirder than they already thought. But this web show was suppossed to be different. "Okay, okay, focus!" he told himself. "Focus, be sophisticated. Be like, hmmm..." Fred remembered a time when he was at his grandmother's house. She made him watch a bunch of really old, boring movies. But if there was one thing he learned, it was that mature young men always had mustaches and weird glasses that only covered one eyeball. "Uhh, hang on everyone, please," Fred said into the camera before turning it off.

Tearing through his mother's purse, Fred found a pair of sunglasses. Carefully, as to not destroy them entirely, he popped out one of the lenses. The frames stayed in one piece, but it looked sort of silimar to how it was suppossed to, at least.

Now was the mustache. Fred knew where he could get the hair; his mother's shower drain. She shaved her legs, armpits, and back daily, and there was always a massive clump of hair that didn't fully wash away. If Fred could just glue the clump to his face... That would do it!

"Ahh- ahh- ahhhahahh- raaah!" he screamed. "It hurts so bad!" Fred then began to wonder if using a hot glue gun on his face was a good idea. He began to cry, tears leaking through the hole in his sunglasses. But he had a job to do. "Push through the pain, Fred! Just do it!" Fred stole the last line from the most inspiring source he knew; a shoe store commercial.

"Hi, everyone," he sniffled into the camera. "I'm- I'm back. I'm mature now. I think so, anyway. No, I know so. Okay, Finding Nemo. Um, let's go scene by scene. The first one was- was- was... The first scene was scary! I hated it! I still see it when I sleep. It scared me so badly!" Fred continued crying in horror, imagining the scene where the poor fishy lady got eaten.

"And then- and then that weird thing ate her! It just snapped its merciless jaws around her, and ate her! It- it-" Fred paused before breaking out in laughter. "It ate her! Hehe- haha- hehaheha- MWAAAHAAAHA! I'm sorry, everyone. I just find it funny when big fish eat little fish, because I then pretent that I eat the big fish. But then, I get a nightmare from the last movie I saw, and imagine that massive squirrels eat me! I's a horrible, terrible, vicious food chain where everyone destroys one another, and that's exactly what this movie proved! I hate this movie! I hate the circle of life! I hate the world! I hate everything but the neighborhood squirrels, whom I love quite dearly! Rrrr- aaaagh!"


	2. Wreck it Ralph

"Hey, it's Fred!" Fred Figglehorn shouted into the camera. "And I have a treat for you! So, um, I got a lot of nice comments on my last movie review." He hesitated for a minute, blushing and sweating. "Okay, okay, fine! That was a lie! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for lying, please don't lock me in a cage again!" He continued to cry. The truth of the matter was, Fred didn't get any nice comments on his last video. The nicest one was the person asking if he was taking his medications lately.

"To answer your question, Fredisafreak, no, I have not. Why? Because sometimes, it's fun to watch them swirl down the drain as you flush them away down the potty. Don't judge me! Rrrr- aaa- ARAGH!" It took a while for Fred to calm down from his new tantrum. But by the time he was finished, the entire living rom, which was newly redecorated ever since his, erm, _incident, _involving miscellaneous sharp objects while watching his mother's DVDs that last time, was once again destroyed. But it didn't matter. Not to Fred, anyway.

"So, um, it's time to review the movie. Today, I'll be commenting on Wreck it Ralph. Like Finding Nemo, featured in my last episode, it was a delightful animated Disney movie. And IT WAS AWESOME! Seriously though, it was so much fun! So there was this big guy who has my dream job. All he did all day was destroy stuff. I mean, I can do that, right? I bet I can. I mean, I've been doing it for the last six years. You all know that, right? Right? Agree or else! I know where all you people life! I've done, erm, research."

There was an awkward pause as Fred stared at the camera, trying to talk his way out of it. "I'm not a stalker! Stop accusing me of being one! Gaaaaa- rrrrr- AHHHHHHH!"

After regaining his composure, Fred smiled. "Judy loves this movie, too. Her favorite character is that little Vanellope girl. Which I don't understand. I mean, she's cute and all, I guess, but does she ever shahs through whole brick walls? Or destroy cars? I don't think so!" He smiled. "When I grow up, I want to be just like Ralph! Minus the whole 'being good,' and all. I mean, yeah, I guess I'm kinda adorable. But I'm not innocent. I mean, I have such a unique personality." Once again, he flashed a not so charming grin at his mother's camera.

"Unique, Fred?"

"Mom? What are you doing here? I thought you'd be out all day..."

"Nevermind that, Fred," snapped Mrs. Figglehorn. "And you're not just unique. Fred you're- you're- too young to know what I want to say. Gust go to your room."

"No, I won't, you'll have to lock me in a cage first! Mwaaahhaa- ahhh- erragh!"

This has been Fred Figglehorn's second movie review. See you all next time!


End file.
